The Cult of Oppressive Positivity

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Trends come and go. Some leave indelible marks upon a culture, and others just fade away. When a trend is couched in terms like “positive psychology” one might expect that any influence it exerts on a culture will be, well…positive. But is there such a thing as too much of a good thing? The contemporary positive psychology movement was founded in the ’80s by Martin Seligman, so you would think he […]

Red Dirt Girls

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For ten days, we are bound by clay, water, sand and straw – in various ratios and textures. Bamboo, tapioca, and cement show up from time to time, but basically, we are women with red hands and feet. Kahlo (as in Frida) is 18 months old. Susan is 77. We are every decade in between. We are Thai, French, Hungarian; Canadian, American, Mongolian. We are Pakistani, raised in Canada, living […]

Waking Up to the Wonder of Difference

Objects to Remember You By

I grew up in a half white, half Mexican neighborhood in Roseville, CA. My best friend was Hally (Angelica) Rodriguez. Her parents were Mexican immigrants. Her older brother was a cholo and sold drugs from her house. He was a dick. Her older sister was tough and foul-mouthed and her bangs stuck straight up in a great wall of a tidal wave above her forehead. She was so cool, I […]

Mixed-Race with a White Identity

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What happens when a mixed race child only has a white identity and then goes out into the world? I have spent my entire life straddling many worlds culturally, socially and racially. I am a mixed race woman and I am in a family of transracial adoption. (Transracial adoption means adopting children of a different race). My biological mother was a white woman from Dallas, Texas. My birth father was […]

Co-Existing in Tokyo

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I never imagined I’d go to Tokyo. I always said there was so much to see in the US that the thought of traveling overseas seemed so… foreign to me. But, in the Fall of 2016 I found myself with the opportunity to travel to Japan with a group of 12 -14 year old female gymnasts, two of their coaches, a parent chaperone and my husband, the delegation leader, for […]

The Power of Incompletions

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Many years ago, a wise friend gave me a crucial piece of wisdom. He said, “Incompletions sap your energy: but completions actually GIVE you energy.” A light bulb went off in my head. Because I’ve been one of those who sits around thinking of all the things I’ve got to – and not doing any. So what’s the problem with incompletions? On their own, nothing. But incompletions often tie up […]

Approaching the New Year with Love

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The New Year comes like a new baby: unavoidable, headlong, and full of promise. We can worry that the amount of promise the new year brings is entirely up to us (and that is certainly one way to look at it), but as with a new baby, the new year will most likely thrive and bring us all the joy and fullness we could hope for, if only we approach […]

Holidays with Family, Emotional Rollercoasters, Lessons Learned

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Some people experience life over 50 as increasingly problematic.  I’ll admit that sometimes I’m one of them. Yet for me, one of the best things about getting older is the ability to take a step back and look at my stuff. And I don’t mean my tea collection. It’s safe to say that most adults are still carrying around some baggage left over from childhood; if their parents were great, […]

A Team Called Love

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For many solopreneurs, the idea of building a business team is anathema. Creative control is one of the driving forces behind the decision to go solo. Freelance writers, designers, producers, and marketing consultants—I’m looking at you. I’m also looking at me. And I’m looking at me looking at you. Meaning I speak from experience. For most of my career, I’ve been a solopreneur. First, I was a freelance graphic designer […]

The Power of the Pause

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When you spend as much time as I have on studying relationships, you notice a lot of patterns and there is one pattern that I see time and again whenever a relationship goes south. Someone says something that does significant harm in a moment of passion. In some cases this has led to deals falling through, friendships crumbling, or just general frustration on both sides and in other cases it […]