Tales from the Script

Carlo Proietto, Pericoli Nascosti, 2007 Pyrography, 39.5_ x 47.5

When I was a kid I used to stay up late to watch the show Tales From The Crypt. 

For those of you who are unfamiliar, it was a series on cable hosted by a character named The Crypt Keeper who looked like a cross between Skeletor and David Spade in the movie Joe Dirt and featured many well-known actors.

Every episode was a different story that focused on the idea of twist endings which I really loved and most of the time the story involved a character who thought they were getting one over on someone or something (the show had monsters after all) only to find out that they were in the trap the whole time.

I was reminded of this the other day when I decided to stop by the Linked Inn to check my messages.

Much like the clueless boys and ghouls in the series, there are plenty of people trying to sell me things that have clearly not done any research whatsoever and these people still may have had a chance if not for one thing:

Scripts. 

No doubt some Nexpert decided to furnish them with the “ultimate follow-up formula” and handed them word for word what to say to people like me, especially when we don’t respond.

And just like the Crypt Keeper, I can’t help but cackle when I read the same phrase for the 1000th time that is supposed to get me to respond.

Now I know this stuff works on some people, but I really find it hard to believe it’s my “last chance” to talk to you.

Like your inbox is having a going out of business sale?

Here’s what has worked though:

Throwing the script out and just asking me something like a human being.

Not assuming anything about why I haven’t responded and following up politely.

Messaging me to ask an interesting question or comment on something I wrote recently.

Listening to one of my podcast episodes and starting a conversation about that.

These are all things that don’t require a script and are way more effective.

So let the script people become the punchline of an episode of Tales From The Script.

You have much better ways to connect with people.

Cheers to being human in a sea of sales….

CORPSES! (laughs maniacally as credits roll)

Excelsior!


Artwork by Carlo Proietto

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